BEGINNING WITH HIM … SEPTEMBER, 2011
A note from doug:
From time to time, at the beginning of the month, I like to send out a compilation message of various items I…ve accumulated over time.
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God has blessed this ministry thru the generousity of its subscribers. Therefore, this ministry will be able to continue until at least the end of the year.
2012 brings a new year and, prayfully, a new beginning for E-Mail Ministry.
E-Mail Ministry is trying to reach others through social networking.
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E-Mail Ministry also has a Twitter page (http://api.twitter.com/EMailMinistry). If you are on Twitter, please go to this web page and “Follow” and then re-tweet the posts to all your followers.
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THE DONKEYS … TIME TO PONDER
Some donkeys were in the field nearby Jerusalem.
One donkey said:
“I don’t understand it, just yesterday everyone was throwing their clothes and palms on the road when I was carrying Jesus on my back but now I am back to being a nothing. Those people don’t even see its me who was carrying Jesus.”
Another donkey said:
“It works like that my brother; without Jesus you are nothing in this world”
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YOU DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
There were two warring tribes in the Andes, one that lived in the lowlands and the other high in the mountains. The mountain people invaded the lowlanders one day, and as part of their plundering of the people, they kidnapped a baby of one of the lowlander families and took the infant with them back up into the mountains. The lowlanders didn’t know how to climb the mountains. Even then, they sent out their best party of fighting men to climb the mountain and bring the baby home.
After several days of effort, however, they had climbed only several hundred feet of the mountains.
As they about to do give up and return, they saw the baby’s mother walking toward them. They realized that she was already coming down the mountain that they didn’t know how to climb.
And then they saw that she also had the stolen baby strapped to her back. How could that be?
One man greeted her and said, “We couldn’t climb this mountain. How did you do this when we, the strongest and most able men in the village, couldn’t do it?”
She shrugged her shoulders and said, “It wasn’t your baby.”
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YOUR BIRTHDAY IN THE BIBLE
Look up your birth date and see what Bible verse corresponds to it. …
THIS IS SO NEAT …
I haven’t seen this before.
Did you know that the Bible has a special verse for everyone’s birthday?
Look up your verse now!
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EVERYONE NEEDS A LITTLE HUMOR IN THEIR LIFE
Do you know your HYMNS?
Dentist’s Hymn…….. ……… .Crown Him with Many Crowns
Weatherman’s Hymn…There Shall Be Showers of Blessings
Contractor’s Hymn…….. ……The Church’s One Foundation
The Tailor’s Hymn…….. ……… …..Holy, Holy, Holy
The Golfer’s Hymn…….. ….There’s a Green Hill Far Away
The Politician’s Hymn…….. …….Standing on the Promises
Optometrist’ s Hymn…….. …Open My Eyes That I Might See
The IRS Agent’s Hymn…….. ……… I Surrender All
The Gossip’s Hymn…….. ……… ….Pass It On
The Electrician’ s Hymn…….. ……… Send The Light
The Shopper’s Hymn…….. ………. …Sweet Bye and Bye
The Realtor’s Hymn. . . . . .. I’ve Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop
The Massage Therapists Hymn . . . ……He Touched Me
The Doctor’s Hymn…….. ……… …..The Great Physician
AND for those who speed on the highway – a few hymns:
45mph……. ……… ….God Will Take Care of You
65mph……. ……… ….Nearer My God To Thee
85mph……. ……… ….This World Is Not My Home
95mph……. ……… ….Lord, I’m Coming Home
100mph…… ……… .Precious Memories
Give me a sense of humour, Lord,
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some humour out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.
LOT ‘S WIFE
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted,
‘My Mommy looked back once while she was driving,’ he announced triumphantly, ‘and she turned into a telephone pole!’
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, ‘If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?’ A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, ‘I think I’d throw up.’
DID NOAH FISH?
A Sunday school teacher asked, ‘Johnny, do you think Noah did a lot of fishing when he was on the Ark ?’
‘No,’ replied Johnny. ‘How could he, with just two worms.’
A Sunday school teacher said to her children, ‘We have been learning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But, there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?’
One child blurted out, ‘Aces!’
MOSES AND THE RED SEA
Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday School.
‘Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt . When he got to the Red Sea , he had his army build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he radioed headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.’
‘Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?’ his Mother asked.
‘Well, no, Mom.. But, if I told it the way the teacher did, you’d never believe it!’
THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD
A Sunday School teacher decided to have her young class memorize one of the most quoted passages in the Bible – Psalm 23. She gave the youngsters a month to learn the chapter.
Little Rick was excited about the task – but he just couldn’t remember the Psalm. After much practice, he could barely get past the first line.
On the day that the kids were scheduled to recite Psalm 23 in front of the congregation, Ricky was so nervous. When it was his turn, he stepped up to the microphone and said proudly, ‘The Lord is my Shepherd, and that’s all I need to know.’
The preacher’s 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head for a moment before starting his sermon.
One day, she asked him why.
‘Well, Honey,’ he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages. ‘I’m asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon.’
‘How come He doesn’t answer it?’ she asked.
A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, ‘So your mother says your prayers for you each night? That’s very commendable.
What does she say?’
The little boy replied, ‘Thank God he’s in bed!’
UNTIMELY ANSWERED PRAYER
During the minister’s prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy’s mother was horrified. She pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, ‘Tommy, whatever made you do such a thing?’
Tommy answered soberly, ‘I had asked God to teach me to whistle, and He just did!’
TIME TO PRAY
A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every night.
‘Yes, sir.’ the boy replied.
‘And, do you always say them in the morning, too?’ the pastor asked.
‘No sir,’ the boy replied. ‘I ain’t scared in the daytime.’
ALL MEN / ALL GIRLS
When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer, Kelli would say, ‘And all girls.’
This soon became part of her nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I asked her, ‘Kelli, why do you always add the part about all girls?’
Her response, ‘Because everybody always finish their prayers by saying ‘All Men’!’
SAY A PRAYER
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother’s house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served.
When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.
‘Johnny! Please wait until we say our prayer.’ said his mother.
‘I don’t need to,’ the boy replied.
‘Of course, you do.’ his mother insisted. ‘We always say a prayer before eating at our house.’
‘That’s at our house.’ Johnny explained. ‘But this is Grandma’s house and she knows how to cook!’
(These humor pieces, and many others, can be found on the E-Mail Ministry website – www.emailministry.org)
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May God continue to bless you in ways you may not understand today – but will tomorrow.
Have a blessed day!
The ENTIRE Staff of E-Mail Ministry