HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY
To all the mothers of the world – HAPPY MOTHER’S DAY.
Below are a few items related this this very important celebration!
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THE FIRST PARENT
Whenever your kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to His kids. After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: “Don’t.” “Don’t what?”, Adam replied. “Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” “Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?” “It’s over there,” said God, wondering why He hadn’t stopped after making the elephants. A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and He was angry. “Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?” the First Parent asked. “Uh huh,” Adam replied. “Then why did you?” “I dunno,” Adam answered. God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed. But there is reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
— Bill Cosby
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4 YEARS OF AGE My Mommy can do anything!
8 YEARS OF AGE My Mom knows a lot! A whole lot!
12 YEARS OF AGE My Mother doesn’t really know quite everything.
14 YEARS OF AGE Naturally, Mother doesn’t know that, either.
16 YEARS OF AGE Mother? She’s hopelessly old-fashioned.
18 YEARS OF AGE That old woman? She’s way out of date!
25 YEARS OF AGE Well, she might know a little bit about it.
30 YEARS OF AGE Before we decide, let’s get Mom’s opinion.
40 YEARS OF AGE Wonder what Mom would have thought about it?
60 YEARS OF AGE Wish I could talk it over with Mom…..
— Author Unknown
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HOW MOMS WERE MADE
By the time the Lord made mothers, he was into the sixth day working overtime. An Angel appeared and said “Why are you spending so much time on this one?”
And the Lord answered and said, “Have you read the spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic; have 200 movable parts, all replaceable; run on black coffee and leftovers; have a lap that can hold three children at one time and disappears when she stands up; have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart; and have six pairs of hands.”
The Angel was astounded at the requirements for this one. “Six pairs of hands! No Way!” said the Angel.
The Lord replied, “Oh, it’s not the hands that are the problem. It’s the three pairs of eyes that mothers must have!”
“And that’s on the standard model?” the Angel asked.
The Lord nodded in agreement, “Yep, one pair of eyes are to see through the closed door as she asks her children what they are doing even though she already knows. Another pair in the back of her head are to see what she needs to know even though no one thinks she can. And the third pair are here in the front of her head. They are for looking at an errant
child and saying that she understands and loves him or her without even saying a single word.”
The Angel tried to stop the Lord. “This is too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish.”
“But I can’t!” the Lord protested, “I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can feed a family of six on a pound of hamburger and can get a nine year old to stand in the shower.”
The Angel moved closer and touched the woman. “But you have made her so soft, Lord.”
“She is soft,” the Lord agreed, “but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.”
“Will she be able to think?” asked the Angel.
The Lord replied, “Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason, and negotiate.”
The Angel then noticed something and reached out and touched the woman’s cheek. “Oops, it looks like you have a leak with this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.”
“That’s not a leak, “the Lord objected. “That’s a tear!”
“What’s the tear for?” the Angel asked.
The Lord said, “The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her disappointment, her pain, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride.”
The Angel was impressed. “You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything for this one. You even created the tear!”
The Lord looked at the Angel and smiled and said, “I’m afraid you are wrong again, my friend.”
“I created the woman, but she created the tear!”
— Erma Bombeck